new high school classmate: so what’s your name
renesmee: renesmee
new classmate: that’s… interesting
renesmee: my mom was on crack when she named me
bella, sitting literally two seats away:
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I’m so concerned that this post implies Bella and Edward will attend high school again with their own daughter
youre goddamn right thats what im implying
THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD (1951)
the entire staff at arby’s when i come back for the fifth time that day
concept
me, in the year 2040, getting ready for a fancy dinner party, standing in front of my antique gold vanity mirror, wearing a saint laurent f/w 2039 evening gown and cartier diamond earrings, taking a sip of champagne: what did you learn at school today, honey? :-)
my future child, laying on my king-sized bed with burgundy satin sheets: not much, in history we talked about the 2016 election. do you remember any of that?
me: drops my crystalline wineglass
this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry
Me getting my name called to get my order at Starbucks